Alright I've got 30 minutes before my sleeping pill knocks me out.
I'm in a good mood right now. No particular reason, but i was just sitting on my bed starring at my blank computer screen, and realized I'm kind of happy right now.
It feels like I'm saying it as a bad thing, but i don't actually feel anything about it. Its just a feeling of being at peace. It might have to do with me running into my ex on sunday. Ive been quite torn on what to do about our fizzled out relationship. i really did miss having him in my life. He was more than just my boyfriend, like most couples, he had become one of my best friends. So running into him on sunday was really great for me. And we had a big talk the day after that just set me into a very peaceful mood.
Especially this week. I'm finally done my mid terms, and i got to see my unbiological sister. That whole situation made me question my whole life and just got me very confused, but i think it may have just been a test after all. I had to know that even in the most heart wrenching situation, i was still strong enough to get through it and come out with a lesson. And keep a positive attitude.
Recent events really made me realize how much i missed a family environment. I had a great one with my first boyfriend's family. i lived with them for two years and felt like they were my own parents. Mainly because the relationship i have with my actual parents is not quite great. I love my mother, but i feel like i have a bit of resentment to get over for her staying with my father for all these years. Its no secret to anyone that him and i are both too stubborn to get along. Also he's kind of an overall dick. but that's a whole other blog post.
Anyways, this new craving for family time has made me want to spend more time with my own, and surround myself with people that i really love, and love me as well. Just as i was making this realization, i got news that my grandma had fallen and broken her shoulder. I skipped class last night to drive out of town and visit her at the hospital. I got to spend two hours alone with my grandparents and tell them about living alone and how good I'm doing in school. It made me very happy. and them too I'm pretty sure. Then i had dinner at my moms. My father chatted my ear off with his vain stories as usual, and then my mom and i snuck into the basement to have tea and have a real conversation.
When i got home, i spent a little while texting my ex, and new friend. He knows my family so he was able to understand my frustration and sadness for my grandma's shoulder. It was really nice to talk with him. I'm glad we're talking again, he always has such great things to say. So this brings me back to my question. Who is your real family? your biological parents? your friends? your boyfriend and your dog? Can your change your family at any time?
I would like to think that your family is the people that you love the most. You can't chose the parents you are born from, but you can definitely chose your family.
Speak soon xo
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