Re living the nightmare

The human mind is an amazing thing.

The ability it has to remember certain events an forget others is hard for me to understand. I guess it makes sense for my mind to have forgotten the things it did.

March 1st I was found unconscious laying on Sherbrooke street. The events that led up to this moment were quite simple. I was coordinating an event and got handed a drugged glass of champagne. My blood alcohol level was at 41. I had no idea what this meant until today, but sober is 0, 17 is illegal to drive in Quebec anything above that is gradually worse and anything above 85 is enough to make you pass out. So what was explained to be was that 41 means I would of had no more than 4-5 drinks. And in a professionals opinion, 41 was no where near enough alcohol to have caused me to be unconscious. But the date rape drug is plenty cause.

I was not raped to my knowledge. The hospital never made any tests to check but I really don't feel like I was. I'm 100% sure I'm not pregnant at least, that was nice to figure out. I had two glasses of champagne and was feeling unusually wobbly and nauseous. I drank a whole bottle of water and felt sober again. That's when he started to give me more champagne which I was not drinking. He also brought me into the coat check and pushed me on the wall to kiss me. It wasn't in a violent way, it was just very rough. He did it a second time later in the night and put his hand down the back of my pants. I was really uncomfortable and pushed him off me.

That's the part I blocked out of my memory. I feel incredibly weak and violated. I feel like I had no control on the situation and completely taken advantage of.

I spent about 3 hours going from the police station to my apartment to get the blood tests and back. Re-living the event, feeling like I was going to throw up the whole time. Feeling like an idiot for forgetting such an important part of the case. Having the mental image of my body laying on a dirty sidewalk, people assuming I was a homeless person or just some teen girl that got too drunk. I feel embarrassed.

But the report has been made and now I'm waiting for the investigator to call me and I can start all over again telling what happened. It's going to be a rough time but I'm going to get through it. I may have had a moment of weakness then and today but it's making me stronger and in going to have a stronger backbone and get through this and maybe even help someone in a similar situation.