Back to reality

I feel like I've just come out of a deep sleep.

I do that fairly often though i guess. I forget what I'm doing with myself and get overwhelmed with the mundane life and just lose touch with my reality and just sleep walk through my days. Sometimes its for a few days, sometimes a few weeks, but i think this time may have been a bit longer. 

I've been so pre-occupied with working and all my love interest drama that i forgot to take a minute and ask myself what I wanted. what i really felt i deserved and what i should actually focus my attention and use up my days with. 

I took a trip to see my friend steve in Hudson new york. steve and i met when i was working at a bagel place last summer. He asked me out for drinks that night but i had to decline because i was just getting into a new relationship and didn't want to mess it up. He accepted and we didn't speak until about three months ago when i was a month fresh out of that relationship and woke up wondering where steve was and how he was doing. Barely two hours later, he sends me a poke on Facebook. weird! so we started chatting on there talking about how were both very into astrology and being guided by spirituality and became friends. So i trusted my instinct and drove 5 hours away from my safe montreal apartment and went to meet him at his house.

My gut has not failed me yet. I had a wonderful time.

We rode his motorcycle around and found secret swimming holes and i just used that time to re-connect with myself and feel nature around me and breathe and let my head empty for the first time in a long time. Steve and i stayed up late talking one night and through a weird flow of conversation got to a strange realization that he and i had met 8 years ago for the first time. The bagel place was actually our second encounter but neither of us remembered each other.

When i was 14, i went to a high school english writing workshop at the blue metropolis.

I watched a presentation from a musician who showed us two of this songs; don't pet the lion and skin receiver; two songs that have stuck in my brain for the last 8 years. I did not understand what they meant then but sometime in my subconscious told me to hang onto them. 

Turns out this musician was steve.

You wouldn't believe the insanity we were going through after this realization. and to top it off, i still have my book of notes from that day that i will be going to get from my moms basement one of these days to take a look at. 

After coming back to montreal, i felt fresh again. i feel fresh still. I had two awesome days at osheaga and met some of the coolest people I've met through that experience. i missed the third day because i got a terrible fever and had to stay in bed all day :(

but i really believe in the universe's plan for me and if it thought i should be sick in bed that day, then i accept it and i can't wait to see what good comes from my slight disappointment. 

now my only task is to figure out why I'm only attracted to the relationships i can't have.

First a 30 year old bachelor that wants anything but a serious relationship,

 then a girl who was not over her boyfriend, and got back together with him,

and now a taurus that lives nearly 2300 km's away.