Boys boys boys

WHAT AM I EVEN DOING WITH MY LIFE

So summers been all about boys apparently. it was suppose to be my magical single summer that i spent having fun with my girls and taking road trips and being spontaneous and all of that. but so far I'm just drowning in boy drama. 

Gab. Gab is my ex that destroyed my heart at the end of march and when i finally got over him, he came flying back into the picture to be friends. and friends worked for about 2 weeks until we got drunk together and hooked up. which is was fine, because the next morning i just wanted to get the hell out of there. so i was using him as a booty call for a while. i knew i had no feelings for him anymore so i was okay with just using him for his fantastic bed room skills, but then he got all sappy on me and we've had like 5 "talks" about him wanting to get back together with me and how much he regrets breaking up with me. And i just can't do it. I don't want to be with him but i like what we have now. i like to be completely selfish and wear the pants and call him when i want some, but also call him when i just want to cuddle. yeah that sounds weird when i say it, were basically in a relationship without titles but i just don't have the right feelings for him. I can't keep using him the way i am, but he also made it clear that if we weren't a couple right now, he was out for good... and i don't know if i can lose him again.

Jay.  Jay was the sexy boy that stepped into the picture when i was finally over gab and ready to move on. Jay is older and funny and smart and all the great things you want in a guy. The only problem with Jay is that he loves being single. we've hooked up a few times and even spent the night together just hanging out and then fell asleep cuddling. He was everything i wanted in a guy and relationship at the time but then i ended up falling for him. I think he caught on to the me falling for him part cause he kind of stopped wanting to see me. he would still text me every few days asking what was up and how work was and what i was doing on the weekend, but never actually invited me to go anywhere. And in my head I'm like okay, I'm going to go by the rules of "he's just not that in to you": if he wanted to see me, he would arrange for us to see each other. but he hasn't, so I'm going to accept that he probably does not like me. but at the same time, just stop texting me bro?! if you're not interested, just get out. don't be half in and dance around, pick one! in or out?

Derek. Derek is just too sweet. We me outside of a bar after closing. That was a night that i had been rejected by Jay, so i called Gab, and then met Derek. HAHA, yeah, thats pretty insane. so we exchanged numbers and i was going to New York the day after so we were texting the whole time i was in new york. Where i met Dmitry and went on a date with him, but who am i kidding, he lives 8 hours away and i think i was more attracted to the idea of meeting someone out of town then to him. he was cool though, i just don't have the energy to try and make that anything. So anyways, i saw derek the day after i got back and we hung out all night and he said i could crash at his place. I thought we were going to hookup, but he stopped it from happening and said he liked me a lot already and he wanted to not jump into that right away. And now i just think I'm not interested. as nuts as that sounds, the guy that was being sweet and told me he didn't want us to just hookup and then forget about each other, i kind of don't like him as much as i thought i would. he's got a super cute face, he's pretty funny, i like his friends, but he's got an opposite schedule to mine and when he's at work, I'm sleeping and then I'm done work and ready to hang out, he's going to bed. It's just not going to work. PLUS, on top of all of that magic, he's an irish boy and uses that as his excuse to want to fight everyone when he drinks. which is every thursday friday saturday and sunday pretty much.... kind of the biggest turn off I've ever seen.

Theres also Steve, who i think is just a friend. I don't see anything happening with him. The only thing that I'm worried about is if i make the 4 hour drive to go see him at his beautiful house on the lake, he might fall for me and then want to see me all the time and then that adds to more of the drama. And i also want to go for a vacation during my two weeks off and I'm thinking of going to BC with my friend Erin, but then in BC there's my friend Chuck who really wants to hang out and the last time he came to visit his fam in MTL, we hung out with a bunch of people and i talked to him about Gab and he was telling me I'm too good for him and that I'm amazing and he kissed me. It was like a friendly kiss, but still a kiss and now i don't know what to do. Oh God, and theres Antonio... we work together... enough said.... But not really. He's the one of the coolest warm hearted people I've ever met, we've hung out a few times in secret and we've been joking about going on a secret vacation together so see if it would work, but like.... I can't do this anymore... i don't want to have all of these guys that I'm like half in to but theres so many maybe's and little things missing or little things messing up what could be great. 

I think I'm going to puke if i keep talking about guys. oh no and i have i date tonight with Derek. i think i have to decide tonight if i keep giving that a chance or cut it off. I don't even want to think about school next month. So many boys :( so much more drama to come. ahhhh why :(

P.s: i've been super addicted to pintrest and steal all the super hot photos i love and i change my phone background like once a week cause i love everything i find in there!