I expected it?

I'm all about having no expectations and not taking things personally and really accepting that the things other people do is really fully they're own problem. But fuck. I expect to hear from you.

Having known you since so damn young, and growing up together closer than sisters. i expect you to return my phone call.

i know i said i would leave you alone and that if we ever crossed paths later on i would be friendly but its been somewhere near 6 months that we havent said anything to each other. (minus the two people that got preggers that i had to tell you about) 

at the base i totally forgot about it most of them time. until someone talks about their best friend and i start to talk about us and go 

...oh wait?...

but then i forget again. because ive always been good at that. filling my time to forget stuff i dont want to remember. but i dont know right now if i really miss you. i miss you in moments that remind me of you and the way we had so much fun together. i was at work the other day and they play old tunes and "why do fools fall in love" came on and i got shot back in time to sitting on the bus when we used to yell that song and eric and jason hated it but we thought we would be famous singers one day. so i missed you, and i called you that day... and i never got to tell you about the song.

but what throws me off is that i believed your email, but part of my mind wanted me to think you didnt write it and this whole time you've been wishing i would call you but i havent cause i thought you were done with me (but then i think, well shit,,, why hasnt she called me then??) so it must be from you.

but then i called you the other day. and you sounded happy to hear from me and i told you i would call you the week after to do something and ive been calling and texting for two weeks and you wont return any of my shit. 

so what the fuck?

what do i do? do i continue thinking that theres a small chance you were kidnapped and thats why you wont call me back? does your cell somehow delete all signs of my texts and missed calls? 

should i keep calling you or give up?

All I am asking, is that you tell me with your voice. to my face or on the phone "I have no interest in keeping contact with you". Maybe you havent done it to spare my feelings?,

 but here is it. The green light. Thats all i want. i dont trust technology, i need to hear it loud and clear so that i can close the book and shut the little doubt off in my mind.

I think after all we've been through together i deserve peace of mind?

we didnt have a big messy fight or anything, our friendship just drifted away.

so please, if i ever meant anything to you, just call me. and i'll be gone for good.