for the love of god....

As if i really needed any more stress on my plate. i spent all of friday packing my entire apartment, sold half my furniture and brought all of my clothes and toiletries to my best friends apartment. I also called to cancel my electricity, apartment insurance, car insurance and brought back my internet modem. My gut told me something was weird so i texted the guy to ask for an update.

 ...The people renting my apartment choked and never went to sign the lease....

.now I'm f*cked.

Im at a loss for word. 

i feel so let down with the world at the moment.

i've been so stressed with money, and now my new job and the intensity of my school program.

And now i have to find rent money for my empty apartment.

its so easy to let myself sink into a depression. 

something I've been battling most of my life. 

I try to be a positive person and be patient for the silver lining in every and all situations.

but i finally cracked. 

i was so upset after finding out, i just wanted to talk to my boyfriend, and i picked up my phone and realized that he can't answer my phone call. or get my text, or read an email. 

And i broke down.

I've held it together so well for these past months, even when things seemed impossible, my friends and family were there to help me. But I'm tired of feeling like a failure. i feel like a charity case.

I feel like I'm so strong, and i have the desire to take care of myself, i just can't.

my emotions are all over the place.