On my own

My boyfriend has gone on a 10 day cruise and I've stayed in the cold of January to deal with all my current insanity on my own. Like a big girl.

I recently figured out that I am beyond broke and have no choice but to sublet my apartment. For two full weeks I've had strangers walk around my home and tell me that it's not quite what they're looking for. I love my place. It's a little far from the main downtown area but its got some kind of girly charm to it that made me fall inlove with it. So while I'm trying to do this, I'm also trying to sell all my furniture and my precious van. Once I've sold the bulk of it, I have to find a space to put the rest of my material belonging and begin my month of couch surfing around montreal. I will finally be able to move in march. If all goes well.

So while this is going on, I'm in school full time and also just started a new job as manager at a tanning salon. So I'm trying to re-manage my time to make more money but also have time to make people come see my apartment. It's all very demanding and I'm pretty much stressed at all times. I just want my boyfriend here to cuddle me and tell me in doing good and this will all blow over.

But he's not here. And for the next 7 days I have to stand on my own two feet and deal with this garbage situation on my own and be strong on my own and get through it as best I can. I think I'm doing well. Saturday I had my Ellie goulding concert and it blew my mind to bits. I live Ellie goulding. And tonight was my old work's Christmas party that I was invited to. I was going to skip out on it because of my financial situation but finally decided to go anyways and just keep my bill under 20$ and I would be fine, turns out the boss payed the bill for the whole table and I was so relieved. What a nice gesture. We also got a bottle of vodka and gin at Baldwin Barmacy afterwards.

This is where I talk to you. It was so hard for me to go into that place because it just makes me think of you. The green door frame next door where you kissed me, the little stairwell across the street that you told me you had feelings for me the first time. Dancing with you, flirting. Being so nervous of what was going to happen later that night. The dress I wore that you seem to love so much. And if course they were playing a Ray Charles song. Only made me think of you more. I miss you so much. It's only been 3 days and it feels like an eternity. Sleeping alone at night is so hard. I miss your warm body perfectly molding around me. I've been sleeping in your sweater and it smells so sweet of your cologne. I fall asleep smiling cause I can almost pretend I have you next to me. It's a full moon tonight and that's about the only things we can share right now. So I'm looking up at it thinking maybe you're looking at it too. And for just a moment we can hear each others thoughts. Ill close my eyes and listen.

I have been doing fine on my own. I've done it before i can do it now. I just know its not as fun to live life and have experiences when you don't have a special person to share you're stories with at the end if the night. I've got a lot to do tomorrow so I think 3:30am is a good time to go to sleep. I'm exhausted.

Speak soon xo