Recovering from the 360.

The funny thing about the way  my life has always ran is that the moment i sit back and tell myself i'm finally comfortable...shit hits the fan.

The treadmill of life kicked itself into high gear in January and has yet to slow down. I started an internship at a blog which took me far out of all comfort zones and pushed me to grow into an adult. I'm no where near my potential but for now, it was a big step that made me see that i was not what i thought. So starting that in January catapulted me into the world and i've been running around trying to find myself. 

Since then, I took on a second job working in a restaurant which i still don't know if i really like too much. I adore my staff but i have no idea what i'm doing limiting myself with being a hostess. I have enough drive to do so much more... so i don't know what ill be doing with that. I moved in my my boss-friend which was just as much of a good idea as a bad idea. It helped me get on my feet to make the necessary changes in the life i was living but also may have crushed a friendship i really cared about. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years. A break up that was spread over an entire month. I barely ate or slept. I lost motivation for both my jobs and pretty much zombied through my days. My best friend sent me an email that I wasn't trying hard enough to keep in touch with her. She broke up with me via email... I still laugh when i think about it. But then I try to figure out if I laugh to avoid really thinking about it. I think i was hurt by it, but at the same time I kind of realize maybe we weren't such great friends after all and we only hung on to the title of best friends because we've been it since we were barely two years old. I fucked up my health a little bit and had to take medication, which lead to some weight gain. It's been a huge struggle for me to accept, but it's a life lesson i guess. I need to realize that what i look like on the outside has no effect on the work i can get done and what kind of person i am. \
It just means it's time to kick my yoga into overdrive and get back to where i was.


 My van was stolen early June, and i had to adapt to live with no wheels and go by the public transportation's schedule. Which i actually enjoy way more. It costs way less and pretty much takes the same amount of time. I certainly didn't miss traffic. But with the luck of the Irish, my van was found safe an sound. All of its belongings still in it. Minus one pack of strawberry gum and an ipod that had no backlight.

In July I moved into my own place with a good friend of mine. I barely have time to hang out there though with working 5 days a week and seeing friends and family. Balancing work and play is proving to be hard. I've never felt so alive though. I grab onto every experience i can and it's been an amazing summer so far. Taking mini road trips to hidden waterfalls. Enjoying the simplicity of sangria on a friends roof top. Helping a photog friend out with her portfolio and getting to play pretend of being a model. Every time I get to do it, i realize how much fun i have and how bad i want to do more of it. I got to do makeup for my friend's band Creature in quebec city, which ended up being one of the best weekends of my life. Saw MSTRKRFT live. I made my first painting and it turned out awesome.

All in all, i think things are slowly smoothing out. I had a week off of the restaurant for construction week. So i came up north with a friend and i've been thinking about what the next step is, and thinking about a few lose ends i'd like to tie up back in Montreal. I have this irritating feeling this is the calm before the storm though. It's time to sit down and make a game plan. I've been waiting for the universe to speak to me but it's not giving me anything. Or maybe i'm just not putting myself in a position for it to be clear. I've got bills coming out of my ass in the next two weeks and then i think it's time i find myself a laptop. Having no computer to barf out my thoughts on this blog is getting to me. So thats that. i'm not going over what i just typed. it's raw this way. typing mistakes and messed up sentences it is. if you read it and got it, good.